Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Focus!

I've talked about how I'm not a fan of the day job before on this blog. This still holds true; if it wasn't for deadlines, customers, and bosses it would be totally awesome but then it would just be me in my underwear surfing the net, occasionally posting on blogs.

So how the hell do I get paid to do that? Not via government grants, I've discovered.

I have been reading a lot of sites about it, and signed up for a whole bunch of newsletters. The big thing you need to Make Money Without Really Putting On Pants is what's called "Ad Revenue". As far as I can tell, when people accidentally misclick on various parts of my blog, they'll be transferred to pages that look an AWFUL LOT LIKE CHASE BANKING, then they'll enter their username and password, which gets sent to me, and then I take out an appropriate amount of money for my advertising efforts.

I know you're all sitting here thinking, "well that sounds trivially easy! How come you haven't quit your day job ALREADY?"

It's a great point you're making, and I agree in spirit. The big stopping points are the following:
I only have three readers according to my comments. That means the odds of you having a Chase account are much lower than if I had a billion readers. I think it's like 33% since there's three of you.
So I have a 33% chance of making incredible ad revenue. But it will only be incredible if YOU keep working and keep restocking my new source of income.
Frankly, all three of you are reading this at work. You seem lazy to me, and shiftless. There's a high likelihood you're going to be fired or demoted soon (if it hasn't happened already) and then my source of revenue would be gone.

So thanks a lot, jerks, I guess I won't be having kids or buying nice things.

That's where we are right now. I can sit here steaming in resentment at your lack of ambition and a Chase Bank Account, or I can attempt to increase my readership with the other techniques found in How To Make Money Without Pants.

There's two Major Tricks:
  1. Focus your site - it can't all be about nothing like mine is. OK technically this could be considered a kitty blog but that's horrifying to contemplate. I'm not an overweight 40something divorcee, I'm a hilarious fat guy.
  2. Make your site "sticky" - I have no idea what this means but he mentioned message boards. I guess to post pornography on or something, it was really unclear. If it's just keeping someone on your site, why don't I just helpfully change their homepage without their permission, and keep popping it up in a new window whenever they attempt to close it? The technology exists, there's no reason for users to accidentally navigate away from your site when you can help stop that!

Expect some awesome changes in the upcoming months, and please do me a favor and switch your accounts to Chase Online Banking for the added convenience to all of us.

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