Thursday, October 30, 2008

I just started blowing my nose recently

This is a pretty gross blog, I'll bet, so I'm warning you in advance.
It's the sort of revelation my wife has been dealing with regularly since we started dating - the casual admission by yours truly that shocks and horrifies most "normal" people.

Before we were dating, I never used soap in the shower. Shampoo all the way! I was honestly surprised that that bothered her, and how much it did. I think that was the moment she decided to marry me. It was either that or dump me, go to a doctor, and see if they could get the smell off.
(WHICH THEY COULDN'T I BET)

Similarly to the whole "soap incident", I never ever used tissue except as a hygenic substitute for "under some furniture" - insert finger, swirl around, pull out (GENTLY or you can really injure yourself with shrapnel) examine contents, place on tissue/under chair.

When I have a cold, I do the regular *snnnnork* thing to clear it out, which results in a slightly salty tasty treat.

These habits have been heavily straining the marital bliss. Not the booger excavations, she didn't know about that. (though chances are one of you jerks are going to tell her now. THANKS A LOT)
The *snooooorrrkk*ing has been driving her batty.
She's been pressuring me pretty hard to blow my nose in lieu of the snork. What I've found since starting this is not only is it easy to do, it's a much more efficient booger clearing device than prodding around with a finger.

Just a big *brwaaaaaaap* and you have a treat basket attached to a wafer-thin paper. Wad it up and BAM! you're done.

I think that qualifies me to live in the 20th century, now. It's good to be here, I hear there's all-in-one soap and shampoo now.

(there is, it's called Old Spice, and it actually triggers my eczema pretty badly. This is a huge problem exacerbated by my fastidiuous ball-washing-with-shampoo habits)

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