First off, if I sucked it wasn't the emcee's fault.
What I did wrong last night was:
- Didn't record it. No record shows me nothing of why I couldn't win the audience. Even if it TOTALLY WAS the emcee's fault (it wasn't) I'd have that on tape.
- Didn't feel connected at the get-go. Not sure how to correct this; maybe acknowledging the disconnect or something. . . maybe just powering through it and not worrying so much. Fake it till you make it sort of thing.
- Complained on stage the whole fucking time, and not "bit" complaining. Whining sarcastically about how much fun I was having - mature. Gee, why didn't anybody love me?
The step towards improving isn't blogging about emcees or building thought palaces in my head where everybody hates me unjustly. Well, those are the easiest steps. The effective step:
Start taping this. If it fills me with shame to watch, maybe I need to see that.
And maybe, just maybe, this will all turn out to be the emcee's fault.