Assuming I don't die tonight, I'm going to be "celebrating" my 35th birthday tomorrow.
Which is crazy since I'm pretty sure I'm ten. The highlight of my day yesterday was having to leave the GameStop store because the fart I squeezed out was too vile for words.
Today was spent resisting the siren's call of Red Dead Redemption, which I failed; I stopped at the same GameStop and picked up a copy as I biked home from work. Sadly, the fart had dissipated.
Time flies. I started performing standup at the end of 2001; I'm not where I'd like to be but I understand why. Breaks are horrible for standup; there's a ton of nuance that is lost when you stop performing regularly. Sometimes it requires the equivalent of an engine rebuild to get going again and regain instincts.
But I've rebuilt the engine, dusted off the old bits I'm willing to keep, and been writing new ones like crazy. The sensibility's a little different now. There's a worry that the room's too cool for me now. The hard (brittle) edge I once carried is a bit dull.
I'm married. I have Things To Lose like a house and wife. I have a good job. I have three cats that are pretty hilarious and awesome.
The whole nihilistic oblivion I once sought seems childish.
Naturally, I have a newfound respect for those closer to 40 than 20. We're wiser, duh.
I'm pretty sure that's a direct function of age, but there's some truth to it. My concept of time is different now. Planning is for the longer term.
The concept of "ten years gone" makes sense in a way that didn't at 25. The first time I ever read a "how to be a standup" article was when I was 25 years old. The gist was 5 years to get decent, 10 years to get good. I said "well fuck that, I don't have time for that shit."
I'd be at 10 years right now if I'd said "let's do this."
I'm happy with 8 that's really about 5. I'd be happier with more showcases and less open mics, but on the ten year timeline, that won't even matter.
One thing hasn't changed in ten years I guess; my navel gazing is still disgusting to behold.
Happy Birthday to Me.